Each day as I wait for the bus to come pick me up and whisk me off to the Pentagon so I can then crowd with thousands of other people to get on the Metro to work, I wanted to let you know that your rubbernecks, hollers, honks and whistles REALLY make me feel like such a beautiful woman with self-worth. Especially those who have multiple riders shoved in the front bench seat of the vehicle, each with the look of a kid getting their first taste of ice cream. Do you really think your actions are compliments to me standing on the sidewalk? Please do not be surprised if I give you the finger.
Dear Metro Rider -
This is not a Jeepney. You cannot hang out the doorway. So please, when you see that the train is packed, do not try to shove yourself and your overstuffed backpack/rolling suitcase/guitar in case/stroller with child in the doors. You will have the doors close on you. And they do not automatically retract. You will be stuck. The train will be stuck. WE ALL will be stuck. Please step off. We will get mad at you. The train operator will get mad at you. Best to not even try.
Dear Metro Driver -
I understand that since the June 22 "incident", all trains are operated manually. But this does not mean that you can drive with a lead foot on the gas OR the brake! Having the trains operate manually is supposed to be MORE safe. Please understand that when you start or stop abruptly, all people who are standing go flying. It's hard enough to find an open space on the pole to hold on to - as not all people are 7 feet tall and can reach the bars overhead - without being jerked around and shoved in to other people while also holding on to your personal belongings. Thank you for your consideration of driving smoothly.
Dear Metro Rider 2-
Yes, the metro train is crowded. But please be more aware of how you are standing. I do NOT want to have you spoon me while standing. I do not want to feel your front-side pressed up against my back-side. GROSS! C'mon, people!!
Dear Metro Driver 2 -
Wow. You really are having a bad day, aren't you? Your constant yelling over the loudspeaker is giving you away. I, too, wish people would quit trying to hurry and squeeze on to the train. I know that there are 18 open doors that people can utilize. You threaten at each stop that the train will break if the doors close on people/their personal items. You are getting more and more angry at each stop. And then it happens. When you press the button (?) to quickly open and close the doors again, some dumb guy hurries and leaps on to the train. And of course the doors close on him. You LOSE it! You tell everybody that that's it. The train is broken. Everybody must get off. But I'm not buying it. I think you're just pissed. You hate your job. And sure enough, after the thousands of people stream out of the cars of the train on to the platform with thousands of other people waiting for the next train, you take off. Miraculously, the train works. And we are stuck on the platform. Thanks. You made me miss my bus. Now I hate you.
Dear Dumb Guy that quickly leapt on to the train -
Really? REALLY? Now thousands of people hate you.
Dear Middle-Eastern-ish Guy at the Harris Teeter -
As I wait for you to slowly scan and bag my groceries, putting all the wrong things together in the same bag, I am charmed by you. I know you are flirting with me by flashing me your winning smile combined with intense eye contact, easy laughter, and periodic winks. If only I could understand what you were saying...
Dear Target Guy -
Thanks for being so attentive! Even though I told you I didn't need any help, you still hung around to double-check. I could have lifted the vacuum box on to the lower-level of my cart, but I sure appreciate you doing it for me. This doesn't make me an incapable female. But it sure makes you a nice gentleman!
Males -
A little secret: I can open my own door, step in after you on to the elevator, stand while you sit on the metro, carry my own luggage, carry my bike up and down my stairs, pay for my own meal, and even pay for yours. But when you offer to do all this for me in a way that doesn't make me feel guilty about it - not because you think I'm incapable, but because you are just being a nice, respectful person - I am surprised and appreciative. This wins you big points. HUGE. I love the chivalry. It makes me feel happy, boosts my spirits and endears you to me.
Dear bugs in my condo:
DIE!
Dear bugs in my condo:
DIE!
