The uninspiring and totally boring life events of Emily: Musings

Life is interesting. Sometimes I feel that life just happens - and I don't have any say over what happens - then other times I feel like I really should make some active decisions to try to shape my life. On one hand, I know I don't really have control over what happens, so why even try to do anything? On the other hand, I can't just allow things to happen to me; I need to participate and decide what my life will be.

I vacillate.

I read an article earlier this year that made me stop to think a bit. It revealed that when asked, people said they didn't think they'd change that much over the next 10 years. That they are who they are, and now that they're adults they don't change that much. Then they were asked to think about the last 10 years. Did they feel they were a different person NOW as opposed to 10 years ago? The answer was yes.

I thought about this. I'm 31. I have definitely changed a LOT since I was 21. My core personality is the same, but because of life experiences, I have a much more complex view of things, desires and personal realities have changed, I've matured, and I'm definitely more cynical. 10 years from now I'll be 41. Holy cow. Do I get more mature at 41 than I am now? I almost hope not. ;) I guess the hope is that in 10 years from now, I'll have figured some stuff out. Become more wise in my relationships with myself and other people. But barring a huge life event like me finding a spouse, having a child, or even getting a dog, I just can't see my life changing that much in the next 10 years. Which is somewhat depressing to think about. And makes me want to act on the hand that holds the option of taking an active role in deciding what happens in my life. Luckily, according to the article, when I'm 41, I'll look back on my 31 year old self and think, "I changed more than I thought I would!" Hopefully it's for the better.

One thing that hasn't changed over time is my desire to really connect with people. I don't have a strong desire to connect with a LOT of people; just those who are my close friends and family. I've never been one to have a lot of "surface" friends. I have a smaller handful of close friends that I desire to know on a deeper level. I want to REALLY get to know them. What are their beliefs, their outlooks, their opinions? What have they gone through that has shaped them to be the way they are? I'm truly interested. I want to hear about them. I want to understand. I want to learn from them. I want to have that "wow" moment to hear them say something that I've never even thought of or considered before. Everybody has their unique qualities. I feel lucky when others don't assume I'm being nosy and they actually share themselves with me. It is fulfilling for me to have these conversations and connections with my friends and family.

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I typed up the above paragraphs yesterday. It was one of those days where my mind goes on an ADD rampage and doesn't stop going from one thing to the next. I needed an outlet. Enter this here blog. There are a LOT of past posts still in draft status that are results of my days of ADD Brain -squirrel!- that I will never hit "publish" on.

I kept reading all these news articles yesterday about how terrible people are. New information on the Boston bombing suspects, some guy who raped an INFANT and killed her, details on cannibalism in early Jamestown based on a mangled skull found of "Jane", and more. I was just overwhelmingly sickened by people in general. I thought, "man, people really suck". A feeling of depression came over me, and then I thought about the recent events that happened to me personally that have hurt my feelings. I wondered why 'they' treated me that way. It really hurt my feelings! Was it some sort of karma? Did I deserve it? Maybe I did! What if I'm not being a good friend? What if nobody knows that I appreciate them or love them? I need to be a better person!!! Geez, I really truly love my friends! I need to let them know (I tell my family members all the time)! My friends are such great people. There is a lot of good in this world. I am happy to have relationships with these awesome people. We have lots of fun together. They make my life better on a whole. All these thoughts probably happened in the span of 10 seconds. And that little snapshot tells you about the complex and exhausting strain I went through nearly all day yesterday. That snapshot times 5000.

Circles

Welcome to the inside of my brain. I'm always glad when those days come to an end and I can go to sleep.

Here are some great friend quotes that I saw on this blog that I think is a great way to end this post:

Ralph Waldo Emerson

be a friend quote 15 Famous Quotes on Friendship

Photograph by Dawn Ellner

“The only way to have a friend is to be one”

David Tyson Gentry

friendship comfortable silence quote 15 Famous Quotes on Friendship

Photograph by Mohammad Ali F.

“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable”

Muhammad Ali

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything”