I sleepily wandered in to my bathroom after viewing the weather on tv (as is my routine), flipped on the light, took care of 'business', looked at my tired face in the mirror, then went to pull back the shower curtain and turn the water on when, BAM! 2 measly inches away from my eyeball was a huge gigantic spider!! AAAH! I believe I let out a little shriek. I quickly ran in to my bedroom to get my weapon - my walking shoe.
*** POUND! SQUISH! ***
Sucker was dead. And just for good measure, I flushed him. I hadn't really encountered bugs in my place before. I live on the second floor (with nobody above me) and have been pretty lucky in a bug-free condo. So it really surprised and shocked me. I haven't had to kill a spider in a long time. I thought that maybe it got in through a hole in a window screen or something -- my A/C has been broken, so I've left my windows open all day and night for a couple of weeks now. I HATE spiders, though! So creepy. Gives me the shivers.
Because of that spider debacle, I found I was running a bit late once I got out of the shower (or maybe I took an extra-long shower to wash off my leftover creepy spider-shivers and chills), so I ended up not blow-drying my hair. I tried to go for the care-free beachy look. Like barely wavy, crunchy-with-ocean-salt-water tousled hair. You know. Like the Victoria Secret swimsuit models. Yeeeaaaaahhh. Not so much. My hair just likes to go limp-straight. But too late! I had to go to work like that. And to top it off, my face broke out just a couple of days before, so the dried-skin blemish-bumps were apparent on my chin. No amount of cover-up can solve that problem.
My co-worker Kathleen and I decided to go out to lunch that day, since it had been a while since we had left the office during the day. While we walked to our routine and comfortable restaurant of choice, we passed by some outside-diners. I heard a guy say, "Excuse me" very softly. I kept walking. I heard him say it again, so I turned around and slid my sunglasses down my nose to look clearly. Yes, he was talking to me, as he was looking right at me. To my shock, he said, "You look very beautiful". (!!!!!!!)
Now, any normal person would have said thank you or acknowledged his statement. But me? No. My immediate reaction was that his assessment of me was completely absurd. I laughed like he was an idiot, turned around, and allowed myself a little *huff* and said "thanks" under my breath. My laughter at his comment quickly turned to laughter at my reaction. What does my reaction say about me, I wondered? And besides my qualms about my own appearance, how rude of me! Poor guy. What a nice, unexpected gesture and comment he gave to a stranger, only to be laughed at in his face like he was some weirdy.
After lunch, Kathleen and I strolled over to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Along our way, we ran in to several news crews. Game 7 Playoffs for the Washington Capitals was going on that night against the Pittsburgh Penguins. There was a lot of hype and excitement around, and all the major TV networks were there trying to capture it. We walked past people giving interviews and I commented to Kathleen at how different an interview looked in person as compared to on TV. That camera is really RIGHT there. In your face. Then the shove of the microphone up to your mouth. How uncomfortable.
Besides a tour bus letting off a whole gaggle of old ladies who clogged the sidewalk (which honestly didn't bother me -- but they seemed so intimidated by being in the middle of the city!), we made it in and out of the store without incident. On our way past the Verizon Center, however, the local NBC news crew stopped us. "Do you know what's going on tonight?" the dude asked me. "Yeah, Game 7", I replied.
NBC Dude: Do you know who they're playing?
Me: The Pittsburgh Penguins. Caps are gonna win. No problem.
NBC: Oh Yeah?
Me: Yes, definitely.
NBC: Well, you know what -- the Caps are gonna need more than just a lucky rabbit's foot to win this one. You know what they'll need?
------------------------- I look at what he's holding - it's a baseball hat with a little stuffed rabbit in it ---------------------
Me: Uh, a whole rabbit?
NBC: CUT! OK, there is some timing to humor, you know? I want you to pick the rabbit out of the hat and say it again.
Me: OK............................ ?
NBC: Can you put your shopping bag down?
----------------- It is at this point that I realize the camera is actually recording. And it is really only about 3 inches away from my face. I feel my face burning up; turning red --------------------------------
NBC: You know what more the Caps will need besides just a lucky rabbit's foot?
Me: The whole rabbit! (as I pluck the rabbit out of the hat and hold it up)
NBC: Ok, one more time.
Me: *under my breath* really?
NBC: You know a lucky rabbit's foot won't be enough. The Caps will need..............
Me: A whole rabbit!
Mercifully we were allowed to go on our way after the TAKE 3!. But I was mortified. Really? Today of all days I'm on TV? With my crazy hair and blemished face?!? And forced to play to the most idiotic joke ever. Oh man. Not good. A few minutes later a bunch of shaved-head dudes asked what the newscaster guy made me say. I guess they walked by during the little 'skit'. And they were laughing. And they were hot. :( Then a homeless man shouted, "Wow! Good-looking LADIES!" as we walked by. What is with this day?!??
That evening I had a session with my personal trainer. I was sure to watch the news before I headed over, and luckily my little personal CAPS clip wasn't good enough to be streamed on to the local NBC news. Embarrassment avoided! That whole fan montage was the most moronic thing I'd ever seen. So I was grateful my clip did not share in the airing of it. With a lighter step in my stride, I made my way to the gym. Half-way through, my trainer said, "Why is this hard for you? You're usually such a beast and barrel through everything. I don't understand why you're struggling." ME: :( He was sure to make me feel good about myself by the time we were done, though. Like a good trainer should.
I headed home and checked my cell only to find that my buddy who moved back to his hometown of Pittsburgh PA had texted me with the score of the game - Pens were up 4-0. Sheesh!! I got home to watch the rest of the CAPS slaughter and endure the constant taunts of my friend. What a nightmare! And I skipped watching the season finale of LOST to pay attention to this joke of a game. I got in bed with an overall feeling of defeat for the entire day. World, 1. Me, 0. Time to sleep and start over.
But WAIT! I'm about to reach for the switch to turn out my lamp when out of the corner of my eye, I see this movement of something HUGE. My head whips around and I see the most gigantic house centipede I have ever seen!!! Go ahead. Click on the link. Learn all about them. SO GROSS!!!!!!! Supposedly they eat spiders. Yeah, that's all well and good if they weren't as creepy or MORE creepy than a spider!! And obviously this disgusting monstrous beast wasn't doing its job this morning in my bathroom!! Ew, EW, EW! And of course it's right up near my ceiling. My ceilings are high. So I ran out to get the folding chair to stand on. But no. Even then, I'm not tall enough. And I'm not getting on top of my dresser and getting THAT close to it. So I run out of my room again to get my Raid. I start spraying like a mad-woman. Holy FREAK! That thing can move! It scurried down the wall, and again, using my trusty walking shoe, I SMACKED it! This time it was more of a shriek that came out of my mouth. It was a full-blown scream as I whacked it.
The result?
It was sickening. That was it, I decided; no more open windows. I don't care how hot it gets. I sprayed Raid around all the windows and shut them down tight. And that was the end to my day. I could have done without any of it, to tell the truth. To start and end my day with disgusting creatures. UGH! I HATE bugs! I get so scared to kill them. What if when I'm about to strike, I miss and they jump on me and attack? Terrifying! I am definitely a typical girl when it comes to this stuff. I get better with practice, but like I said, I haven't even had to kill a bug in my condo in the last 9 months. And really, who WANTS the practice? Where's a man when I need him? Getting married is worth it -- just to have a bug-killer around and someone to take out the trash.
PS - I found out the next day that my A/C was fixed on Tuesday. But nobody seemed to bother to tell me.
6 comments:
Definitely the best blog post yet! I was laughing the whole way through! That is hilarious about the guy who stopped you to tell you you're beautiful. Jer will kill the nasty crawly creatures, but I usually have to take out the trash. :(
Oh, and that centipede is NASTY! And I would have let out a scream too!
We watched three hours of a horrible newcast to be dissapointed at the end. Todd even had has camera out so that he could record your TV debut with it.
sounds to me like the centipede had been doing its job for 9 months, and then you killed it's breakfast so it had to go roaming for something different. Since you have now done away with your spider killer, you will now have tons of spiders....Good Luck with that every morning now :)
HAHA - great post.
hehe, i'm sorry about the bugs. That does sound like you had quite the interesting day.
ewwwwwwwwwww! That is disgusting! Did you have fun cleaning that up??
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